wanderings · across · the · world

last post here. just spent the night in gatwick, waiting to board to go to guernsey. next post will be back at the old place. ill post pictures and stories and everything, tell you the stories and about the people that have changed my life.
i miss a new zealand boy so much already. this is not good.

ok so havent posted since salzburg. what have a done since then...ok florence was fantastic, such a good two days. ended up not going to rome as planned but staying there for a while. met the male version of me in venice station while waiting for a connection train, he was on his way to florence as well. then went to rimini and san marino with him on a whim, camped in the middle of a tourist resort, now in rome with him, two days left and i really dont want to come home. this keyboard is shit and so im ending this here, but can i just say, im head over heels. and i can tell its going to break my heart. new zealand. shit man it always happens this way.

the illness that ive had since berlin is catching up with me, its turned from a little cold into a hacking cough, a non stop runny nose and i woke up with a migraine this morning (although the headache might have had something to do with the fact that i accidentally got stupendously drunk last night as well). i think my body is telling me to go home. soon. anyway, im taking the middle of the night train to florence for a night and then off to rome i go. and then home home home yay.

oh and i will answer that questions post eventually, its just i never seem to have enough time online.

still freaked by the waterfall incident. had some difficulty getting in the shower this morning as i was convinced something bad would happen. psycho that i am. otherwise happier. home a week on tuesday, and sent a nice email to nice scottish boy who i still have the biggest cruch on from berlin. hope he emails back. or maybe not. i dont know. i miss him kind of. bleh. been thinking way too much recently, so trying to stop as its making me...meloncholy would be the right word. cant wait to get back to the good old uk though, even though i have been slagging it off a bit. oh well. i love it anyway. also decided i hate aussies. the blokes are complete retards.
off to sing the sound of music tomorrow, i cant wait :-)

my worst nightmare has just happened. i was at the english gardens yesterday and was swimming along near this waterfall and got dragged over it and lost my glasses completely. i couldnt see anything at all, just blurs. the only reason i managed to get out was because i managed to grab hold of some grass on the bank about 100 meters downstream and get out. i then wandered around for a while tryig to find the people i was with until one of the guys i was with who were looking for me spotted me and came over to get me. it happened so quickly they didnt even see me go. i have never been so scared in all my life. thanklfully, we managed to find an opticians and i bought somne contacts so i can see for now at least, but theyre only month nes so im going to have to buy some frames abd stuff when i get to guernsey. what a bugger eh? i really liked those glasses as well, but at least im ok. i didnt get too injured, im just really bruised and scraped, and still a bit scared. i was debating just using my credit card and getting the next flight home but im nearly at the end of my trip. i should stay and be an adult. i was going to ring my mum just after it happened but i was shaking and on the verge of hysteria anyway and so i thought hearing her voice when im missing her so much anyway would make me just loose it.
home cannot come soon enough now.

in munich, hungover. ended up going out last night with some aussies. they serve the beer in litre steiners here, and me being me decided i was going to keep up with the aussies drinks wise. oh dear. such fun, beer gets me happy-rowdy drunk, was a good night. going to keep it quiet for the next few nights though, havent got the money to keep doing that, im now spending the money in my english bank account as ive emptied my other one. oh well. its all worth it, the memories from this will last me forever. ive managed to fill my memory card on my camera, so i need to do something about that as i keep seeing things that need taking photos of and i cant. saw the glockenspeil this morning, bells and little wooden figures dancing around, was supposed to be impressive, but i wasnt.
i am so ready to come home. i cant wait to get on that plane back to the uk, i cant wait to see katell and all my family on herm :-) i hope theyre all still there.

well im feeling better about being a small girl in a big world. it just overwhelms me at times and i cave. i spent the night alone, reading which i havent done in a while and thinking about things; how this trip has changed me, how i veiw things, how my life will be different when i get home. and it made me feel better.
im off to munich later, not happy to leave frankfurt so soon as its so nice here, but thats just the way things go i guess. money is running out so i guess its good im coming home soon. i oscilate bewteen wanting to coe home right now, and wanting to stay away forever. im looking forwards to telling tales, seeing peoples smiles as they see me get off the train, greeting people, and doing all the things ive missed.
well,time to get ging, keep moving on. leaveing yet more people behind. will i ever get used to leaving thing behind?

everything is overwhelming at the moment. i feel like a very small girl in a very big world. i want to stop and get off. someone come and rescue me, this is all too much.
not long til i come home. its ok. i can do this.

tired. still not entirely recovered from the last week and the partying. feel like a zombie kind of, things seem detached from me. i stained my flea market white skirt with ice cream so i am going to have to take it into the shower and try and wash it. going to frankfurt tomorrow. right now i am so so done with europe. i want home, and family and katell and not having to find things to talk about to people i will never see again. i want saturday again with a boy calling me 'sweet' instead of 'sweetie', and a warm hand on the back of my neck. i want wales and a chance to start again, make something of my life. soon. i am waiting.

if i am lying in a park on my own reading do not come up to me and sit down next to me. i do not want to talk. i dont care if you speak broken english i dont want to talk to you. yes i have a boyfriend, yes he is here, hes at the hostel. no i will not tell you were i am staying. no you cannot walk me back to the hostel. no i will not come with you for sopmething to eat now. no i will not meet you later. no you CANNOT touch me. or kiss me. how many times do i have to say i have a boyfriend? i show you a pohot of me with my arms round a guy i say is my boyfriend and you still keep trying to touch me and kiss me. go away.
i hate hate hate men.
learn to take no for an answer. im buying a wedding ring today, ive had enough of this. why is it just because i am english, guys over here take it as an open ivitation to grope me and try to kiss em without asking or even talking to me. i am so irritated.

there is too mucxh to write. two hours sleep saince friday, 28 hours dancing since friday. best best weekend of my life. got an invite to pitlochery from scottish guys i met who were responsible for my lack of sleep and amount of dancing at the weekend, heading up there after channel islands i think. in cologne right now, just chilling out for a few days, going to recover and go to bed ru8ght now.

in berlin, leaving tomorow, hurry hurry as internet time is short. have partied so so hard these past few days. has been possibly the best weekend of my life. more details later.

ok, so really will do a long post now. have just got to berlin and settled in so the last week of partying can now end and i can be calm again. it seems like since i got to antwerp i havent really stopped. i met loads of cool people in antwerp and we wandered around a lot. saw the giant church and that was about it. found some fantastic graffiti, and some really excellent shops, was very hard to not spend all my money. it was good though, i feel like i saw loads of places i wouldnt have seen if i was just doing all teh touristy things. wed make it a oint to get lost in the most random places. oh and there was a giant wooden elephant that moved, and i girl on a bike. they were 2 stories high at least and are moving round europe. t sounds crap when i explain, but when the pics are up you will understand.
amsterdamn has been mad too. spent my first day there playing a giant game of monopoly, the second day on a massive walk to some windmill withs some random people i met. on tuesday me and tom went for a wander for a hour or so and didnt come back for 10 hours. we kept getting carried away by stuff and managed to get completely lost. yesterday we all just sat in the park for most of the day. and today i got up stupidly early and spent 6 hours on a train and now im here and im really excited about the love parade.

I am still alive. Having so much fun, partying in amsterdam. Everything is fantastic. Berlin tomorrow.

found an amazing second hand book shop. i am complete. i could quite happily live here.

everthing is wonderful. in antwerp, staying at THE BEST HOSTEL EVER!! not even an exaggeration. went to bed at 5am this morning.met some really cool people again, wandering round with them today. money is not really a worry anymore, i can spend, but not too much, and be ok. like i can have the odd drink in cafes and drink in the evenings. i think thats been my downfall so far - drinking. not to get drunk or anything, just because the beer over here is so so delicious. last night i was drinking white beer which is beautiful, and then moved on to heksenketel, which is this really sour beer that tastes kind of nasty, but its so addictive, once youve had a glass youre like hmmm...i quite like it and i want some more. im all cultured out at the moment too, churches and all that dont really impress me anymore, so im not going to rotterdam, im staying here for a couple of days, having a rest, then carrying on to amsterdam and some place called utrecht, which some guy recommended to me last night.
the longer i am away the less i miss home and the happier i feel, i think ive got over that whole homesickness thing for the minute. no doubt it will hit again when im alone, but for now im pretty happy and content.

in bruge.slightly bored. very tanned. trying to book ahead for the next few days,its not working. gonna have to walk round looking for a place and get ripped off. money is getting to be a problem.im ok at the moment but i will run out before the end of my trip. dunno what to do about it. mum will you try and check my bank balence for me cos i cant. will prob have to go into that money which was supposed to be for guernsey. oh well. itll teach me to budget better i guess. its just cos i went over in Paris, way over, as i was spending the same as Katell etc so as not to be left out. well i couldnt really avoid it as they were eatin in cafes etc n i couldnt exactly wait outside til theyd finnished etc. i dont know. its just difficult now. keyboards here are european layout and i cant work them, damn everything. its that time again when im tired and hot, after spending the day alone, walking 7km, and not being able to afford a beer to make me feel better and i just want home.
damn everything.

its always after i get down that things look up. i was sitting reading cosmo in the bar when this canadian guy came up and introduced himself. we ended up staying up until 'am, wanderin round brussels putting the world to rights, i had such a good time. yesterday i went to the musical instruments museum which was fabulous, they gave you ear phones as you went in and s you stood in front of the instrument a recording of it came on. it was genius. then i went to the modern art museum which was also fab. bought some food and spent a couple of hours lying in a park. went back to the hostel, met up with the same guy from the night before, picked up some more people and spent the evening talking about politics and poo; guess what, they were all guys, kinda figures with all the conversations about poo hehe. met some one from sheffielmd too which was pretty cool and made me feel better! ive found that girls are so unapproachable in hostels, theyre usually travelling in twos and its an exclusive little club of them two and if you try to join in they just freeze you out. its irritating but just ridiculous at the same time. i havent met one gitl yet who was willing to talk to me, but every single guy has been nice and not one of them has tried anything which is good as i was worried about that - like if you talk to random guys in a hostel they think youre coming onto them etc.
i think the reason why im always so down when i post is that i post when im alone and then i have time to think about ppl at home and start to miss them or when i try to plan ahead a bit, everything just seems so big and impossible that i get depressed. most of the time im pretty content, its just the aloneness that botheres me. its like, i see something cool and i want to tell someone and point it out and have them share that with me and i look around and there is no one, on one who would understqnd why i think its cool or funny or whatever. most of the time i am pretty happy.
my inbox was full when i checked my mail, thanks to everyone that emailed, that whole human contact thing will keep me going for another few days!!!!
cant wait to get home and see you all.